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The Mindset of a Defender

Writer's picture: Valor and VirtueValor and Virtue

Updated: Jun 29, 2024

One of the least treated (and among the most fundamental) aspects of self-defense is mental preparation. Anyone looking to defend themselves needs to be fully prepared for what that means both physically and mentally. It is not enough to just sometimes be "on." You must constantly be aware of your surroundings and situations, and plan ahead. It should become second nature to recognize odd behavior and potential threats, and respond (not react) accordingly.

Without both mindset and skills, you’re kidding yourself. Skills without the ability to use them are useless. The mindset without the ability to carry out your will is useless. You need to have both.

In any self-defense situation we must have:

  • Discipline: Accept the situation, eliminate doubts, and act with courage, determination and consistency (guiding the instinct through reason)

  • Preparation: The right patterns in our mind, thinking of sketching an effective strategy in the exact moment in which we risk to suffer an aggression means to drastically reduce our possibilities

  • Concentration: Lucidity to adapt the schemes to the scenario, knowing the best defensive patterns is useless if we do not possess the lucidity to carry out a quick and consistent reasoning

 

Plan

Give yourself permission to defend yourself. Nobody is going to come save you. It is up to you and you have a right to save yourself. The most basic human right is to stay alive, to not be killed or raped or otherwise harmed. You have to develop a willingness to assert that right.

Be proactive. Decide now what you will do before something happens to you. Most people are reactive. Thinking they could be raped or murdered is entirely subjective until it happens to someone they know. That it will never happen to them and that it will only happen to someone else. To everyone else on the planet you’re “somebody else.”

Reaction time is a great inhibitor. Your attacker is always going to be two steps ahead because he’s approached you with an intent. You have to make a pre-made decision. When someone attacks you, what are you going to do?

Subscribe to the paper or other local news source, and each day read just two of the crime stories and ask yourself: How did this guy get into this? Look for the factors that created the opportunity. Criminals are opportunists, if you take away the opportunities, you take away the crimes. Story: a guy got robbed at three in the morning at an ATM. Conclusion: don’t go to the ATM at three in the morning. Identify victim behavior. By seeing the result of risky behavior, you become a lot less likely to do it.

In the US, we have from a million to 1.2 million aggravated assaults per year: that affects one out of every 300 people. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics there are about six million violent crimes a year in the US. That’s one for every 30 adults in one year. Your lifetime odds are closer to one in three. Instead of “I can’t believe this is happening,” say, “Oh, I guess I am one of the three.”


Evade

In order to be ready, we must remain ever alert. As individuals, we can never afford to let down our guard.

According to Lt. Col. Jeff Cooper, there are 5 different levels of awareness:

  • Condition White - unaware

  • Condition Yellow - aware of your surroundings

  • Condition Orange - alert to a possible threat

  • Condition Red - confrontation

  • Condition Black - freeze

When in public, we must always be at condition yellow. Studies show that the vast majority of people who freeze (condition black) during an attack were not paying attention to anything that was going on around them (condition white).

Watch the Discovery Channel. When the lion stalks a herd of wildebeest, they take the slowest, the sickest ones. They don't go for the one that looks strong. In a self defense situation, predators are very much the same way.

If you have to walk to your car alone and late at night, plan the journey as one task: walk with purpose and stand up tall. Don’t walk close to buildings where someone could drag in, stay in well lit areas and try to park close to light. Subtly scan your surroundings and don't look down. Put your devices away until you get to where you're going, or use your phone as a tool. Have a friend, parent, significant other, etc. on the phone with you as you walk to your car.

Don’t deny your instincts, they are there for a reason. We've been hardwired to recognize when danger is imminent. If you see a person or a group that makes you feel unsafe, change directions and find a safer route. It’s always okay to say no to strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family. As long as you walk away safe, who cares if someone gets offended?

Escape or Defuse the situation whenever possible. Be polite. In crowded places for example, the expectation is to bump into people. Say “excuse me,” or anything to de-escalate the situation. It’s always safe to assume that the other person will be stronger and better than you in a fight. Always try to avoid an altercation or escalation. If you can’t avoid it, fight for your life. Then, walk away. If you do get the upper hand or you're able to successfully defend yourself, walk away. The moment you take it too far, it is no longer self-defense.


Respond

Knowing your options in a self-defense situation is important. While you cannot imagine every single situation, you can learn about and mentally prepare for enough of them to make a difference when you are faced with one.

If someone was to attack you, how could you respond? You could comply, attract attention to yourself, run away, fight, or freeze. Any of these can be the right thing to do, except for freezing. We are all afraid, it is an automatic mechanism for the preservation of life; you have to learn to accept it as a “neutral signal”; it must not alter your perception or interaction with the scenario.

If someone is holding you at gunpoint and only wants your money, comply. Your money is not worth risking your life to save. But if that same attacker is asking for you to get in a vehicle, fight, run, or attract attention. Your odds of survival drop drastically once you enter an attacker's vehicle. You should never comply when it's your life on the line.

Play 'What If' games. Allow your brain to think about the things that you normally try to suppress. For example, you're sitting in a restaurant and you think, what if someone came in the front door and started shooting. What would you do? Think about it seriously, come up with a plan, and then continue about your day. Don't worry about it, don't stress over it, but allow your brain to go through the motions of how you would escape that situation. If you ever don't know what you should do, look for an answer from a reputable source.

A good way to get used to dealing with critical situations is to refine your skills in simulative contexts; the simulations of operational scenarios are very useful but only if those who train with you do not behave in a lazy or consenting way.

It does not matter whether a situation can be resolved by fleeing, physical struggle or negotiation: if you are not psychologically ready to concentrate and accept the scenario you are involved in, you will never be able to use your knowledge on the subject.

Understand that whatever happens, or whatever you do, your actions have ethical, legal, moral, and physical consequences. Even in a self-defense situation. And that means that you may defend yourself in such a way that you end up getting sued or scrutinized by the police. You need to make sure that whatever you do is within the laws if at all possible.

 
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